{"id":12,"date":"2023-04-23T13:38:00","date_gmt":"2023-04-23T11:38:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/siim.puidet.ee\/?p=12"},"modified":"2023-07-09T20:03:57","modified_gmt":"2023-07-09T18:03:57","slug":"23-04-2023","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/siim.puidet.ee\/index.php\/2023\/04\/23\/23-04-2023\/","title":{"rendered":"23.04.2023"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">T\u00e4nane on v\u00e4sitav. Umbes kolm tundi und l\u00f5i viimse piirde ego aedikult. Tundsin juba hommikul, kuidas ta neelab mu magamatusest, seksuaalsest puuduj\u00e4\u00e4gist, inimkonnas pettumisest, usaldamatusest ja sisemisest ebakindlusest tohutul hulgal energiat. P\u00fc\u00fcdsin p\u00fcsida ja teda toore j\u00f5uga purunenud aedikus hoida, aga tulutult. Esimene murdepunkt oli luba oma poja s\u00fcnnip\u00e4evast k\u00fclalisena osa v\u00f5tta, vastuseks k\u00fcsimusele, kas tahad mind sinna. Oota &#8211; unustasin&#8230; Su vabatahtlik musi hommikul, oli paelaks \u00fcmber selle jobu (ego) kaela, mis t\u00f5en\u00e4oliselt aitas praeguseni mitte plahvatada Sinu v\u00f5i laste pihta. Ma olen selle musi \u00fcle siiralt r\u00f5\u00f5mus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Edasi&#8230; p\u00e4ev t\u00e4is t\u00fchjust ja v\u00e4simust lasi egol ussitada. Need \u00f5htused laused, kuidas tahad lapse m\u00f6\u00f6da minnes haarata ja meenutused k\u00f5igest eelnevast andsid talle j\u00f5u, et t\u00e4ita see l\u00f5he minus puhta vihaga. Tahtsin karjuda, peksat, haiget teha &#8211; sihitult ja palju. Kaotasin t\u00e4ielikult j\u00f5u ja motivatsiooni seda tormi vaikima sundida. Suunasin k\u00f5ik oma sisemised v\u00e4ed enda ja \u00fcmbritseva maailma vahele, et see raev minust v\u00e4lja ei p\u00e4\u00e4seks. Kaalusin Seevaldisse s\u00f5itmist, aga pidasin vastu. N\u00fc\u00fcd on rahu ja tuimus. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Sa just kirjutasid ja k\u00fcsisid, et mis Sa t\u00e4na valesti tegid. Vastan kohe, et mitte midagi ja see on t\u00e4iesti t\u00f5ene. Sama t\u00f5ene nagu mu v\u00e4ide Sulle, et midagi ei ole halvasti. Ma ei taha praegu elada, aga surra ka mitte. Mul ongi lihtsalt \u00fcksk\u00f5ik. Iga valu on teekond ja ma astun edasi. \u00dchel v\u00f5i teisel moel j\u00f5uan ma kuhugi v\u00e4lja ning valu l\u00f5pppunkt on j\u00e4rgmisel eluringil teadmisena kasuks.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>T\u00e4nane on v\u00e4sitav. Umbes kolm tundi und l\u00f5i viimse piirde ego aedikult. Tundsin juba hommikul, kuidas ta neelab mu magamatusest, seksuaalsest puuduj\u00e4\u00e4gist, inimkonnas pettumisest, usaldamatusest ja sisemisest ebakindlusest tohutul hulgal energiat. P\u00fc\u00fcdsin p\u00fcsida ja teda toore j\u00f5uga purunenud aedikus hoida, aga tulutult. Esimene murdepunkt oli luba oma poja s\u00fcnnip\u00e4evast k\u00fclalisena osa v\u00f5tta, vastuseks k\u00fcsimusele, kas [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2023-aprill"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/siim.puidet.ee\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/siim.puidet.ee\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/siim.puidet.ee\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/siim.puidet.ee\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/siim.puidet.ee\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/siim.puidet.ee\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13,"href":"https:\/\/siim.puidet.ee\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12\/revisions\/13"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/siim.puidet.ee\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/siim.puidet.ee\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/siim.puidet.ee\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}